Cheaters Never Win

Galatians 6:2 “Bear you one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

It’s very hard to carry someone’s bags for them if they refuse to hand them over to you and clearly don’t want to be helped. We are called to bear the burdens of our brothers and sisters in Christ. Why? Because this fulfils the law of Christ – His law of loving one another. But when our Christian family refuse to let us help, they are actually hindering us from carrying out God’s plan. They are a stumbling block, if you like, to us accomplishing that.

This frustrates me, not just in others, but in myself. How often when asked “How are you?” do we answer with a big smile and the routine response of “Good! Thanks! How are you?” Because we are not good. We don’t always feel like smiling. We pretend. We’re false. We’re as plastic as the masks children wear when they play dress-up. We hide our true selves behind platitudes, clichés, clever diversion of the conversation, and evasion.

I am not saying we air our dirty laundry to every person who passes the time of day with us. I’m not saying your whole church needs to know the nitty gritty of your daily battle with (fill in the blank to suit).

But why do we refuse to be honest with people? Are we scared they will think less of us? Maybe. Personally I believe it’s our pride. Imagine if the conversation went more like “Hi! How are you doing?” “Not great. Can I ask you to pray for me this week? I have some problems to work through with my teenager who got arrested on Saturday night and I just don’t know how to handle it”. Or “Well, thanks for asking. Have you got a minute, because I could really use you to bounce something off. You’ve been married a long time and I wanted to ask your advice because I think my husband is cheating on me and I just can’t think straight.” Or “I am waiting on test results and think it might be cancer and I don’t know how to tell my kids”. Or “My stepkids just don’t respect me and I am so angry with them right now”. Or “I hate my job. I am so depressed at the thought of going in there every day but I feel guilty for not being grateful for a job”. Or “I’m divorced and I live every day with the guilt of how that tore up my family”. Or “My daughter is pregnant and I think she’s going to have an abortion – should I go with her if she does?” Or “I have an addiction to pornography and I don’t know how to break it – please help me.”

We have no idea what our church family are dealing with and they have no idea what is going on in our own lives, because we refuse to allow someone to help us carry those burdens that are too heavy for us on our own. We refuse to confess our sin to each other, although the bible clearly tells us in James 5:16 to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that we may be healed. This is not telling us that confessing our sins to each other means we have Christ’s forgiveness, or salvation, but it means when we are already saved, there is benefit to being honest with one another, and letting a trusted friend pray over us, to bring a calm, healing balm to our broken lives.

We are all human beings with a past. Thankfully our past can be redeemed. No one is perfect. Not one. We all have skeletons in the closet, things we are ashamed and embarrassed about, and guilt over bad decisions made once upon a time.

If we are the type of people that a close friend cannot confide in, then that speaks volumes about is and how we are seen as judgemental. Maybe that’s something for us to work on. If we are the type of people who don’t want to be honest about our lives, but prefer to give off that “Holier than thou” vibe of a person who has never set a foot wrong, we are hindering someone from learning about our story and finding out how we got through it and being able to help them.

I really am beginning to dislike that “stiff upper lip” and “don’t mention the war” mentality more and more. The people we relate to the most, are the ones who are the most real with us. And we are thankful for them. But it’s not a one-way street. We don’t get to be the only ones that benefit. What’s the worst that can happen? People might look at you differently. Yes. They might see the truth. That’s what we are scared of. Because deep down we are all a mess. We just seem to like to pretend we’re not. We should not revel in our sin, and relive our gory pasts with relish. But let’s not pretend we’re whiter than white and fine and dandy all the time. Because if we are, that’s either due to our medication, or the lies we want people to believe about us.

I am learning its OK to be sad. It’s OK to want your own space. It’s OK to have a bad day and withdraw. Or not to smile all the time, or not to punctuate every sentence in an email with a smiley face and an exclamation mark in case someone takes offence, or to call off a family get together because you are having a domestic with your spouse. We don’t need to be liked by all the people all the time. If the person I present as the real me, isn’t really me at all, then I am cheating people into being my friend or liking me. That is just wrong.

Idols and Loopholes

We heard a sermon today on Idolatry.  You’d think we don’t have golden calves in this day and age but it’s surprising what we exalt above God in our daily lives without batting an eyelid about it.  We are as much of an idolatrous people as the Israelites were.  It just manifests itself differently in the world we live in.

The message came from a Minister who had walked away from his pulpit because he disagreed with the direction the church was taking and he could not be part of it.  He could have put his wife and young family first and stayed where he was, in order to continue to provide financially for them.  But he stepped down, and is now seeking God’s will as to where He will lead next.  How easy it would have been to use the idols of finances, or family, or the history he had at that particular church, to try to justify staying there.  To put those things first, over and above clear biblical direction to move on and have no part of it. 

The Lord plainly tells us to have no other gods before Him.  It’s not optional.  He doesn’t allow it on any level.  Even good things, gifts directly from the Lord, can become idols when we elevate them to a place not meant for them.  Our spouse.  Our children.  Our job.  Our financial standing.  Our wardrobe.  Our car.  Our appetites.  Our church.  Anything that causes us to neglect our relationship with Christ, is an idol whether we like it or not.  We excuse the bad behaviour of our spouse or child because we don’t want to address it.  We get caught up in our careers and become defined by them.  We are always chasing the next pay rise, more designer clothing, the bigger car, the best food (and a whole lot of it).  We even put our churches on pedestals believing that they can do no wrong, when in actual fact we don’t take the time to examine their doctrine to see if they are in line with the Word of God, or if we just agree with everything because that’s the way it’s always been done.  That is incredibly dangerous. 

The Law of the Lord is perfect.  There are no loopholes.  If you think you’ve found one, the chances are you will just end up hanging yourself on it.  

Resolve This

Recently our family went through a situation that shook us, let us down, hurt us and caused us to stumble and lose our footing on what we thought was a solid path.  We were judged unrighteously and without compassion, and left found wanting.  In man’s opinion.  Not in our Lord’s.  This is something we have battled with, prayed about, sought counsel over, and thankfully we are now coming out the other side of, albeit weary and battle-scarred.  If I were to ask you what makes you trip up and stumble, you’d no doubt answer it was because some obstacle was put in your way which knocked you off your stride and compromised your balance.  If that thing wasn’t there, you wouldn’t trip.  Something was put in your way and when you reached that point, it was inevitable you’d fall over it, perhaps headlong into the ditch,  or if you were fortunate, before you hit the ground face-first, the Lord intervened and lifted you, set your foot on a rock again and rejoiced over you with singing.  Whatever is causing our brothers and sisters to stumble are things that do not belong in your life, your church, your doctrine, or your hearts.  The only way to stop people suffering at the hands of these stumbling blocks is to remove them.  We wouldn’t trip if they weren’t there.  They have no place in the family of God.  Then again if your idea of the family of God is one that excludes and shuns those who don’t fit your unique criteria, then you need to remember who you are in the light of the perfection of Christ.  A sinner, saved by grace, just like me. 

NOT BY THE HAIR OF MY CHINNY CHIN CHIN!

One of the drawbacks of getting interested in discernment ministries and learning what is truth and what is “almost truth”, is that it’s hard to switch off and sometimes that is a curse rather than a blessing.

Simply put, I’d be a hypocrite if I called out falsehood and biblical error everywhere else except for in my own life and place of worship.  If I could skate over this, I would.

Our history of church attendance over the past few years has been tainted for various reasons, making it difficult to want to keep searching for somewhere to settle. Church-hopping is not to be recommended as a rule, however if you find you have to flit from one to another due to improper teaching then that’s what you must do. It takes its toll, believe me. We have dealt with a number of situations which have left us jaded and worn us down. We have been interrupted by a stranger sitting behind us in a Sunday morning service who felt led to prophesy over us (“pinch of salt” and “aye, right” immediately sprang to mind). We heard completely inappropriate sexual illustrations from the pulpit. We witnessed a horrifying amount of alcohol-glorifying posts on social media from not just young people, but leaders also. And any pastor who brings the Sun newspaper into the pulpit of the house of the Lord should be defrocked. We have heard how tongues is a private prayer language, how people can go to heaven and come back, and attended meetings where scripture has been twisted beyond recognition, universalism has been upheld, and emotion has usurped common sense. So we have left these churches, trying to find a place to call home, to feel welcome, to hear solid teaching and find Christians to encourage and challenge us in our walk. To inspire us to be holy as He is holy. To be markedly different from the world, as we are called to be. These are the people we want to be with - as iron sharpens iron so one person sharpens another. We need this as a family. Then there’s the church that there’s nothing really wrong with but you struggle to find much to get excited about either. The one which you really hope God isn’t calling you to, cos you would rather do a Jonah than obey that particular call. The one where no one really bothers with you. If you’re not there for weeks on end, no one checks up on you. You can slip in and slip out without the Pastor seeming to care. That is detrimental. To lose prospective attendees because of apathy. There is no excuse for that at all. “He’s not good with people” or “that’s just the way he is” simply does not cut it.

So we now find ourselves in a church a little further away than we’d initially thought we’d travel, and in the space of a month have felt drawn to the people, the teaching and the fellowship. To have come from one failed attempt at settling after another, we have found a sanctuary here. The bible teaching is the best we have ever heard, the youth are committed, the people are friendly and welcome us into their homes, and people actually talk about JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT in the back hall after the service instead of discussing how they “had a little too much wine last night” which may explain the cocktail-sipping images on social media available for all to see. So you can see why we are drawn to this place … these people. BUT. I am saddened and confused as to why we have been refused communion as believers. The bible clearly states in 1st Corinthians 11v29 “For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself …” This is between me and Christ. Not between me and another Christian who gets to determine whether I am worthy of breaking bread with them. Communion is a command direct from our Lord. We are commanded to do it in remembrance of Him. There’s not a condition attached to this. Only that I examine my heart and see if I am right with the Lord so as not to bring judgment on my own head. Let’s be honest. Not one of us is worthy. We are all sinners saved by grace, and there is now no condemnation for those in Christ. Why then do I stand condemned and separated as if I am not part of the family of God? Where is the biblical grounds for this? I would very much like to see them. 1st Corinthians 11v27-28 says “Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup”. Isn’t this all we need to abide by? Isn’t anything else extra-biblical? Can’t you see how this might cause division and disharmony in the body of Christ? I know how wrong extra biblical teaching is, and just because I love this church and these people, it doesn’t make it OK. It is troubling and divisive and I have to say, when you are sitting with other believers in an attitude of prayer and the person next to you gets up and sidesteps you with the bread and wine so that there’s no chance you’ll assume you can take the plate and cup, it makes you feel invisible and less of a believer. This is not what the new covenant is about. To me it seems, dare I say it, controlling behaviour.ems me fit to take communion. I already know my worth. It is found in Him. Not in some manmade rule and legalism.

I am not my own. I was bought with a price. The same price as you. By the same blood represented by that cup you won’t let me touch.