Cheaters Never Win

Galatians 6:2 “Bear you one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

It’s very hard to carry someone’s bags for them if they refuse to hand them over to you and clearly don’t want to be helped. We are called to bear the burdens of our brothers and sisters in Christ. Why? Because this fulfils the law of Christ – His law of loving one another. But when our Christian family refuse to let us help, they are actually hindering us from carrying out God’s plan. They are a stumbling block, if you like, to us accomplishing that.

This frustrates me, not just in others, but in myself. How often when asked “How are you?” do we answer with a big smile and the routine response of “Good! Thanks! How are you?” Because we are not good. We don’t always feel like smiling. We pretend. We’re false. We’re as plastic as the masks children wear when they play dress-up. We hide our true selves behind platitudes, clichés, clever diversion of the conversation, and evasion.

I am not saying we air our dirty laundry to every person who passes the time of day with us. I’m not saying your whole church needs to know the nitty gritty of your daily battle with (fill in the blank to suit).

But why do we refuse to be honest with people? Are we scared they will think less of us? Maybe. Personally I believe it’s our pride. Imagine if the conversation went more like “Hi! How are you doing?” “Not great. Can I ask you to pray for me this week? I have some problems to work through with my teenager who got arrested on Saturday night and I just don’t know how to handle it”. Or “Well, thanks for asking. Have you got a minute, because I could really use you to bounce something off. You’ve been married a long time and I wanted to ask your advice because I think my husband is cheating on me and I just can’t think straight.” Or “I am waiting on test results and think it might be cancer and I don’t know how to tell my kids”. Or “My stepkids just don’t respect me and I am so angry with them right now”. Or “I hate my job. I am so depressed at the thought of going in there every day but I feel guilty for not being grateful for a job”. Or “I’m divorced and I live every day with the guilt of how that tore up my family”. Or “My daughter is pregnant and I think she’s going to have an abortion – should I go with her if she does?” Or “I have an addiction to pornography and I don’t know how to break it – please help me.”

We have no idea what our church family are dealing with and they have no idea what is going on in our own lives, because we refuse to allow someone to help us carry those burdens that are too heavy for us on our own. We refuse to confess our sin to each other, although the bible clearly tells us in James 5:16 to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that we may be healed. This is not telling us that confessing our sins to each other means we have Christ’s forgiveness, or salvation, but it means when we are already saved, there is benefit to being honest with one another, and letting a trusted friend pray over us, to bring a calm, healing balm to our broken lives.

We are all human beings with a past. Thankfully our past can be redeemed. No one is perfect. Not one. We all have skeletons in the closet, things we are ashamed and embarrassed about, and guilt over bad decisions made once upon a time.

If we are the type of people that a close friend cannot confide in, then that speaks volumes about is and how we are seen as judgemental. Maybe that’s something for us to work on. If we are the type of people who don’t want to be honest about our lives, but prefer to give off that “Holier than thou” vibe of a person who has never set a foot wrong, we are hindering someone from learning about our story and finding out how we got through it and being able to help them.

I really am beginning to dislike that “stiff upper lip” and “don’t mention the war” mentality more and more. The people we relate to the most, are the ones who are the most real with us. And we are thankful for them. But it’s not a one-way street. We don’t get to be the only ones that benefit. What’s the worst that can happen? People might look at you differently. Yes. They might see the truth. That’s what we are scared of. Because deep down we are all a mess. We just seem to like to pretend we’re not. We should not revel in our sin, and relive our gory pasts with relish. But let’s not pretend we’re whiter than white and fine and dandy all the time. Because if we are, that’s either due to our medication, or the lies we want people to believe about us.

I am learning its OK to be sad. It’s OK to want your own space. It’s OK to have a bad day and withdraw. Or not to smile all the time, or not to punctuate every sentence in an email with a smiley face and an exclamation mark in case someone takes offence, or to call off a family get together because you are having a domestic with your spouse. We don’t need to be liked by all the people all the time. If the person I present as the real me, isn’t really me at all, then I am cheating people into being my friend or liking me. That is just wrong.

Idols and Loopholes

We heard a sermon today on Idolatry.  You’d think we don’t have golden calves in this day and age but it’s surprising what we exalt above God in our daily lives without batting an eyelid about it.  We are as much of an idolatrous people as the Israelites were.  It just manifests itself differently in the world we live in.

The message came from a Minister who had walked away from his pulpit because he disagreed with the direction the church was taking and he could not be part of it.  He could have put his wife and young family first and stayed where he was, in order to continue to provide financially for them.  But he stepped down, and is now seeking God’s will as to where He will lead next.  How easy it would have been to use the idols of finances, or family, or the history he had at that particular church, to try to justify staying there.  To put those things first, over and above clear biblical direction to move on and have no part of it. 

The Lord plainly tells us to have no other gods before Him.  It’s not optional.  He doesn’t allow it on any level.  Even good things, gifts directly from the Lord, can become idols when we elevate them to a place not meant for them.  Our spouse.  Our children.  Our job.  Our financial standing.  Our wardrobe.  Our car.  Our appetites.  Our church.  Anything that causes us to neglect our relationship with Christ, is an idol whether we like it or not.  We excuse the bad behaviour of our spouse or child because we don’t want to address it.  We get caught up in our careers and become defined by them.  We are always chasing the next pay rise, more designer clothing, the bigger car, the best food (and a whole lot of it).  We even put our churches on pedestals believing that they can do no wrong, when in actual fact we don’t take the time to examine their doctrine to see if they are in line with the Word of God, or if we just agree with everything because that’s the way it’s always been done.  That is incredibly dangerous. 

The Law of the Lord is perfect.  There are no loopholes.  If you think you’ve found one, the chances are you will just end up hanging yourself on it.